Love, Laughter, & Happily Ever After..

A short Novella   

 For those of you who don't know my life story (no need to go into that now), Mother's Day has always been a very hard day for me.  Actually anything "mother-related" had been a challenge for me my whole life.  When I was little, My mom left my dad and my sister (I was 4 and she was 18 months) and even though there were several awesome women in my life to help raise me, my Mom wasn't there a majority of my life.  Occasional weekends and major life events.  Not an every day thing.  She's bi-polar, which doesn't excuse what happened, but it's something we're working on.  It's been a struggle.  Growing up I always looked to friend's moms or aunts or any female figure that would fit the bill.... but I wasn't their child and it wasn't the same.  

  I always promised myself when I became a Mom and I would be there for my child and I WOULD NEVER LEAVE THEM, EVER.  Forgiveness is a hard thing.  It's totally easy to talk about and preach.  Even pretty easy to say, "I forgive you"  but to put into action after 20+ years of pain and hurt.... it's a little bit of a tall order.  Pretty big actually, but I'm not exempt from the commandment.  God didn't say, "Oh yeah, that did bite, poor you, don't worry about forgiving them, it's okay to be mad..."  It would be easier on me, if He did, but He didn't.  So I'm happy to say I'm working toward forgiving ( forgiving and LETTING GO) her completely, almost there I think.  After 5 years of trying, and a whole lot of Prayer, but mostly I give credit to my Bella (and Heavenly Father for sending her to me.)  She has helped me understand a Mother's love.  While my mom wasn't a huge part of my life.  She gave birth to me and she loves me.  There are still things I don't understand but I'm happy to report we are building a relationship.  I think the healing started on June 7, 2010 about 3:35pm (pretty cool, I know the exact time, right?)  It's the day I became a Mommy and I want to share my story.  (I was going to wait and do this on Bella's Birthday post BUT I wasn't blogging when she was born and everyone tells their birth story... and it's what changed my view on Mother's Day AND I can't wait till June)

Bella's Story

    Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was so swollen and uncomfortable.  Mitch was almost 11 lbs when he was born, so the size of the baby vs. the size of my body, was a concern too.  We went to see Dr. Addy on Wednesday to talk about being induced because I was very, very large and uncomfortable!  The toes on my feet looked like little sausages and you couldn’t see my ankles at all.  I was desperate and we had already discussed the prior visit about if she wasn't there on this day we could possiblely induce that Wednesday.  I had already planned maternity leave around this schedule.   After my check up, he made a call to the hospital but they were too full so they couldn’t see me until Sunday.  I was very dissapointed since I went fully prepared to go have a Bella.  So he told me to wait until Sunday evening and have our last meal and then come into the hospital. All our family was on stand by to come up to the hospital, but I had to call everyone and say "False Alarm, just an overzealous pregnant lady!" Mitch tried to encourage me through my tears.  I was crying because I was pregnant (duh) and anxious and excited and overwhelmed, but mostly because I felt like I was letting everyone down for not having a baby that day.  (Typical me!) 

Last picture before we had Bella... or so we thought!
This was taken before the Wed appt AKA Worst False Alarm ever!

     Well we had several last meals prior to this...  The previous Friday I started having contractions, they got really close together too... we went to Wal-Mart to stock up on food for our return home (Little Debbie Cakes, fruit roll ups,lance crackers, capri sun... you know, the essentials)  and we went to Carolina Wings so I could get their terriyaki spicy wings ( I craved spicy things and ice) and then home to clean... had to have a spotless house for Bella to come home too... and then Mitch scared Bella ( he made a monster noise while tickling my belly) and she decided she was not coming out if that was what was out there.  I was not happy about that, I was so excited and nervous to meet her.

    So the next day we went to the temple. I thought if she could feel the Spirit she might think it was a safe place and would decide to make her big premiere.  She stayed right where she was.

At the temple, trying to coax Bella out

    It was a very sweet experience.  We decided to go to the bookstore (since Bella was being so strong willed...) because I wanted to get a picture of the Savior for Bella's room.  Mitch and I both saw a picture of Him holding a baby with the text:

"Out of My arms, and into yours,

I place this Spirit into your care,

Hold this little one extra close,

A part of Heaven lingers there."

and it brought tears to my eyes, I felt such a sweet spirit.  I thought it was just my pregnancy hormones making me weepy, but I looked over at Mitch and his eyes were filled with tears too.  I know he felt the same sweet spirit and we had to get it.  So even though our master plan fell through we left the temple happy with what we accomplished.

    We went home to our perfectly spotless apartment and waited.  I was used to being on the go so I started to get a little stir crazy waiting.  At my MD appt prior to "THE WEDNESDAY" he told me we could induce if she hadn't made her appearance on "THE WEDNESDAY" so we went to Outback Steakhouse for our "last meal"  (for those of you counting... this is our 2nd "last meal") No worries, I ordered my steak well done!  So when we went to "THE WEDNESDAY" appt and he told us to go home. have a nice meal and see him on Sunday... we decided we had two BIG "last meals" and we could just eat leftovers.  That's exactly what we did.  

     Sunday morning, I woke up and made Mitch breakfast.  A fruit smoothie, bacon, eggs, & pancakes that said, " I love you."

YUM!

We ate breakfast and decided to go on a walk on the Dam to start contractions.

I was busting out everywhere... Yes, I'm aware it's not the most modest outfit, But I was HUGE, PREGNANT, and HORMONAL... and it's one of the few things that fit...

I tried everything to start labor... ate spicy food, specifically Casa Linda, worked out, got several foot massages (while no labor, it was still very enjoyable trying)... you name it, we tried it!  (Yes... we tried the "other thing" too, it didn't work either, but Mitch was more than willing to keep trying)  She was not coming before she was ready!  So the walk on the dam didn't work either (Surprise! Surprise!)  We went home and took a very nice Sunday nap.  I woke up and took a shower (baths were out of the question!  Think beached whale in a goldfish bowl) I even took the time to do my make up AND straighten my hair.  I wanted to look nice for this wonderful experience ( in retrospect, total waste of time, because I was looking rough later on... but I did feel pretty beforehand.)  So six o'clock rolls around, we finish off left over homemade chicken pot pie that I made earlier that week...packed the car... double and triple checked everything was turned off and locked the door.  Off to the hospital we went!  Little did we know we were in for a much bigger adventure than planned.

    It was the beginning of summer and it was HOT! (I know, we live in SC, what should we expect?)   My poor little Honda (being the elderly woman she is, she's 12 years old) had some AC issues, but now, it wasn't even blowing out cool air.  I was already a little anxious because having a baby is a pretty  big deal and I had never done it before... so the AC was the least of my problems.  So we continued on....without AC...sweating with the windows rolled up because I didn't want to mess up my hair.  We get on the interstate to go to the hospital and two exits before we need to get off, we see white smoke billow out of our hood! I wanted Mitch to pull over immediately but he didn't feel safe doing that so we got off at the next exit and pulled into a gas station.  I won't say where it was, lest someone who is reading this lives there and gets offended, BUT it was not the safest part of town. We have no idea why its smoking but Mitch checks my oil... DRY!  As I'm on the phone with my Daddy and he's telling me we could have possible ruined our engine (GREAT! Like we can afford a new car right now?)  Mitch is purchasing more oil.  As he is coming out of the store, there is this "lady" and I use that term loosely because nothing coming after her mouth was lady like, starts getting very irate and yelling (again not lady like words)  and starts acting very crazy by our car and then into the gas station.  I'm thinking... "wonderful, not only is our car breaking down and maybe not starting back up but if we do get it started again, there is a possibility we are going to get shot!  Yea... she was that mad! So I prayed we would again, get there safely.  The car did start back up and the lady didn't shoot us. And the white smoke was gone :)

Problem solved.  So we thought....

We got back on the interstate and all of the sudden, we hear this metal clunking sound and Mitch says, "It's probably just some debris in the road that we ran over."   (The " debris on the road" was actually our air condenser that had just exploded sending shrapnel all over the engine.)  We are almost at our exit and I'm just praying that we make it there in one piece AND they don't send me home because I was pretty sure our car wouldn't make it home.  As we took our exit, we hit the curve really sharp and I shouted "HEY! You took that turn a little fast, we have precious cargo in here!" ... he then informed me, we just lost power steering!"  When we pulled into the hospital parking lot, we could not have been more relieved and thankful for answered prayers.  Now we just had to get me admitted...

We were grateful to be there.

We left our bags in the car, just in case they decided to send us home.  Nothing would surprise us at this point.  We walked in, or in my case, waddled and saw Dr. Addy.  Instead of sending me home, he smiled and told the nurses to admit me :)

I had this idea of what my delivery experience would be like.  Let me break it down for you, I was going to be completely covered (because I'm modest and shy like that), I had these funky knee high socks I was going to wear so my feet wouldn't get cold (pssht.. cold, labor?  they cannot co-exist), he was going to induce me that night and I was going to push for about 30 minutes before bringing my little baby into this world.  

My Very Funky Socks on my HUGE feet

Now let me tell you what actually happened!

While they were admitting me, I told Mitch to go get our bags.  I knew it was really happening when I put on the hospital gown but I left my underwear on because no need to go commando.  I know it sounds crazy, but the whole time I was pregnant, I still didn't believe it. 

SO HAPPY TO BE HAVING A BABY

 It felt like there was this weird alien moving inside me, but not my baby.  I was told to relax and get some rest and they'd start me on IV's and then Dr. Addy would check on me tomorrow.  I even got to put my own pajamas on.  Well then they told me, Dr. Addy wanted to check me to see how far I'd progressed ( that was not fun)  He decided he wanted to get things going instead of waiting until tomorrow.  So he prescribed my some Ambien (***FUNNY STORY TO FOLLOW***) to help me sleep and said get the antibiotics going and after two rounds of that start the pitosin.  He was going to break my water around 4am.  He also suggested getting something to eat since it'd be a long day tomorrow.  So our very LAST LAST meal was from the Wendy's Dollar Menu and I could only eat a little because I was so nervous!  I had to get antibiotics because I tested positive for Strep B (No, its not an STD)  it's just something your body naturally has, and if you have it while pregnant, it can be very dangerous for your baby.  So for Bella's sake, they started my IV of penicilin.  

I HATE NEEDLES.  I FEAR THEM WITH A PASSION.  I was not thrilled about this whole IV thing, but I'm an adult and I wasn't going to be a baby.  After asking them if they had the "freezy spray" (it numbs the skin before they put the needle in, and No, they didn't have the "freezy spray") I put on my brave face and looked away as she attempted to put the needle in.  I say attempt because after five minutes, a lot of pain, and not very much blood later,  she couldn't get the vein she needed.  So she tried on my other arm.  No such luck. I kept a smile and was very nice the whole time (you never want to make the person with the needle mad)  and she called in the senior nurse, who then decided I need the old school IV and on the third try and "You have really thick skin" comment (thank you?) I had an IV.  Only after they put the needle in they have to take the plastic piece out and then I felt warm liquid shoot out my arm and Mitch said don't look.  I didn't.  I guess all the built up blood that wouldn't come out decided to gush forth... All over my arm, the nurse, and the chair.  Pretty impressive, huh?  I was a perfect patient the whole time, even though I had to get stuck three different times!  They really were sweet and I couldn't have asked for better nurses.  She then started the penicillin drip and told me it might burn a little and if it did, let her know.  She said I could put my PJ's back on so I could be comfortable while I slept.

Right before the fun began

     Well you know when someone puts an idea in  your head, it'll start to make you feel or think that?  Maybe it's just me.  Because shortly after, I felt a slightly warm, burning sensation in my arm.  I thought it was in my head, but decided to buzz the nurse anyway.  Grateful I did!  Because 15 minutes later my arm was en feugo!  Oh my gracious, it really did feel on fire.  It could have been from the blood loss or the meds, but one minor adjustment later.  I started to feel relief.  

Now here is the Ambien part of my story.  I haven't met anyone who has taken Ambien, and said "Oh Yeah, it's great, I highly recommend it"  Everyone has an Ambien story and the crazy stuff it makes you do.  I'm such an anxious person anyways so when Dr. Addy told me he was going to give that to me to sleep, I was like great!  Otherwise I'd been up all night.  I was sure I wouldn't be one of those people with an Ambien story... I was just going to sleep... Riiiiiiight. (AMBIEN IS ONLY RECOMMENDED WHEN YOU CAN GET 7-8 HOURS of UN-INTERUPTED  SLEEP, KEY WORD: UN-INTERUPTED)  The thing about the penicillin is you have to administer it every 4 hours.  And if that's not enough to wake you up.  They had an external fetal monitor to my belly (think hugest chunky belt ever that matches nothing and monitors your baby... you have one of those, right?)  I had an IV in my left arm, and A blood pressure cuff on my right arm that took my BP every 15 minutes.  Plus I was being pumped so full of liquids I had to pee every 30 minutes (not an exaggeration)  To go potty, I had to unhook the fetal monitor and the BP cuff and take my IV to the bathroom.  and do it all over again each time.  Mind you, I'm drugged now, so it's all woozy.  It got so bad I think I just took my pants off because it was one less thing I had to do. FUN!

 Poor Mitch didn't get any sleep because he was right by the bathroom so I had to move his bed to get there.  Well about 1am, I got my second dose of penicillin.  And that's when the crazy started.  Have you ever had that sensation where you feel like you just have to stretch your legs.... like if you could just stretch them everything would be okay, but like split stretch (which I can't do, pregnant or not)  Well imagine that whole feeling in your entire body!  That's right.  I woke up telling Mitch "I just needed to get out of my body."  "I just needed to stretch and get out of my body."  And of course, I'm trying to do just that... hooked up to everything and then some... He described it as something out of the exorcist.  Of course, I was whispering to him the whole time to... going like "pshh pshh pshhh (whisper sounds)  Don't worry about me, I'm fine."  And then I wanted him to tell me stories about us but to make me a princess... and He was just waiting for my head to start spinning around.  I didn't get any sleep (because I was "trapped" in my body) and he didn't get any sleep (because he was pretty sure I was possessed).  He said I'd just randomly start mumbling and twitching.  Glad he didn't have a camera Haha.  Well he did, he just didn't think to record anything.   The nurse was so sweet and she kept checking on me and apologizing I was so uncomfortable, I just replied with a smile on my face, "Its okay, I just need to get out of my body and I'll be okay."

    Around 4am, Dr. Addy comes in to break my water. While I didn't feel any different than I normally would getting "checked"  I felt a gush of fluid... VERY weird.  It's okay because they had adult size puppy training pads. I was so exhausted already and I remembered if you were nauseous, they give you phenagen which knocks me out.  ( I should have asked for that in the first place)  After they broke my water, the pitosin started to kick in BIG time. 

      I know I needed IV fluid before my epidural so I asked to get started on that ASAP so as soon as the aanesthesiologist  came on site, I'd be his first patient.  And that's exactly what we did.  My anesthesiologist  was SOOOOOOO AWESOME! I love that man.  My biggest fear was getting the epidural... HUGE NEEDLE... you know how I fell about needles!  But I was told you'll be in so much pain you won't care.  And I didn't.  It didn't even hurt.  Or I was in so much pain I couldn't feel it.  ANYWAYS, once I got hooked up to that, I could finally sleep!  I actually slept through my labor.  I remember the whole time (from 6am to a little after noon)  I kept telling who ever would listen to me, I just want a Hot Krispy Kreme doughnut.  That's all I want.  Obviously,  I was more drugged than I thought.  Around noonish, I started to feel pressure.  And I called the nurse, because I didn't want to feel anything.  I was scared the epidural was wearing off (which it was) but my fav friend, the anesthesiologist came back to give me another round of the good stuff! 

Me with my cup of ice and my sweetheart

**If your squeamish, quit reading now.  And thanks for reading the novella that this already is :)***

Shortly after, they sent in my L&D nurse  (who was the worst nurse I had my whole time there) and told me we were going to start pushing. Which was scary.  It was really happening!  

This is when they started rolling the equipment in... this is when it became real... and this is just before I cried out for my Daddy...

Grown woman or not, I still wanted my Daddy

 Oh yeah... I'm ready for my close up.

This is right before I started to push.

My whole pregnancy, I kept saying.  I was going to be covered and modest giving birth.  I told Mitch he needed to be above my knees at all times, because I didn't want him to see me like that.  I asked his mom to take pictures, but I didn't want her to see "my lady parts" either.  Well, just like everything else, that went right out the window.  There were so many people in and out and checking me, I didn't care anymore.  I was in so much pain.  I was so exhausted.  I didn't care anymore, I just wanted the baby OUT!

I huffed and I puffed and all the breathing techniques flew right out the window

It looks like I'm laughing but I'm really praying for a miracle..

I PUSHED FOR TWO HOURS! (and unfortunately threw up) I'll spare you the gory details.  Mitch I had this inside joke where he would sing the "Thunder" song (it's an old rock and roll song... it was in Iron Man) and it would be my relief through the labor to make me laugh.  The opportunity arose for him to use it, but I was too far gone,  I just said "I don't want to do the thunder song" and got a lot of funny faces.    I was falling asleep in-between contractions and praying for strength because I didn't feel like I could push anymore.  I was literally drained of all energy.  Thankfully Heavenly Father sent reinforcements.  Dr. Addy came in with the vacuum and Bella was out in two pushes!  (where was he an hour and a half ago?!?!)  The cord was wrapped around her neck so when she was born she didn't cry. She was slightly purple and needed oxygen (yet another reason why L&D nurse not my fav)  Mitch said all babies were born slightly lavender (they are not.)  I wasn't worried because I knew she would be okay.  Once she had gotten oxygen.  When we saw her for the first time, our whole world changed.  It was the most amazing feeling in the world.  I was so overwhelmed with joy.  

Okay, I was just overwhelmed period.  My baby was getting worked on, I was getting stitched up ( Oh yea... I tore BIG time, 3rd degree tear :(...) and in the midst of getting stitched up someone calls on the phone and the nurse offers me the phone.  I' politely  ask them to take a message? (mind blown) I just gave birth and my doctors is probably stiching his initials in a very delicate place, not to mention I'm on display for the whole world to see... and then someone shoved a cell phone in my face because someone wanted to congratulate me (I'm not lying, I just gave birth two minutes ago)  It was a bit much and it was probably my only break down... I just asked for a minute with my family.  That didn't happen until 30 minutes later.

Seeing our Bella for the first time,  the most wonderful feeling in the world!

ISABELLA GRACE HOWE

She was plenty heavy!

The first time I held my daughter

Our first family picture

All the morning sickness, aches and pains, complications, false alarms, sleepless nights, world record bathroom visits, and Ambien induced craziness was all worth it.  I would do it all over again.  She has brought so much life and love to my world.  She has given me the greatest gift and has made Mother's Day a day I look forward to because now I'm a Mommy.  And I know I will do everything in my power to love her, teach her, nurture her, care for her, and my hardest, to protect her.  She is such a sweet spirit and has brought so much joy to our lives.  I feel like she was the missing link and our life and she has changed us as people forever.  I know if I can give birth, I can do anything.  And always through my faith.  I certainly didn't do that alone, and I'm certainly not raising her by myself.  It truly does take a village to raise a child, and I've got the best family there is.  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!  AND congrats, if you actually made it to the end of this!  I am so blessed to be a Mommy. I'm blessed with a husband who loves and supports me. I'm blessed with a daughter who loves me unconditionally (even if she does beat me up sometimes).  I'm blessed.  I know that being a mother is the greatest thing I will ever do in my entire life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

the end.