BAD MOM ALERT...

So I like to think I'm a pretty laid back mom...  Don't get me wrong, when we brought Bella home, we were all organic anti-baterial hand wash and sterilize everything.  Now we just put the paci in our mouth before giving it back to Bella if it falls on the floor.  We're adults, what's a couple of germ going to do to us?  Her pediatrician told us to start out with rice cereal and progress from there... if she'll eat it, give it to her and so we have.  She's a doctor so we trust her and if she's that laid back, why shouldn't we be?

This is why!  I'm up (and most likely will be all night) because Bella is sick.  And she is waking up every hour at least, and it took us three hours to put her to bed (that never happens, she is out at 8, if not before, every night)  She didn't have the best sleeping record this weekend, but we chalked it up to teething, and the fever too.  Since she cut the last two teeth like a champ, we just chalked it up to teething.  Well there are no new teeth.  So today was Day 2 of fever and it was nap time, and she cried out with Mitch.  It wasn't an "I'm going to be difficult and not take my nap" cry or even "I'm going to cry because I can"  It was "I am in really bad pain, please help" and it did not go away.  I'm not a baby whisperer and I can't decipher everyone of Bella's cries... like my post reads, BAD MOM ALERT, BUT there is a maternal instinct that kicks in, and says "something is not right." when I hear "that" cry.  I'm not going to lie it's pretty awesome.
     My first thought was ear infection.  So I called the doctor because I'd rather deal sooner than later with these pesky things, trust me, there is no comfort for you at 10pm when your child is screaming and there isn't anything you can do about it but rotate motrin and tylenol and hold them close (okay, so I'm still in the same boat now, but I know why,at least)  I always feel kind of crazy calling the doctor because I'm terrified they'll tell me its not big deal or she's just teething (there is a nurse there that LOVES to tell me that, and guess what,  She was so wrong and I'll never listen to her again... poor Bella had a bad virus that went untreated because the nurse said it was "teething" to which my doctor explained teething doesn't cause high fever.... SORRY, side tangent.)  but there was a very calm voice in my head, saying call the doctor.  (Thank you, Still Small Voice aka Holy Ghost).  Good thing I did, because Bella does have not have an ear infection but she does have Coxsackie group A virus which cause ulcers (herpangina) in the back of the throat and mouth (Bella's are in the back of her throat)  This would explain the decreased appetite and turning away bottles (WHICh GASP!  My child never turns down any form of food)  and the uncontrollable pain cry.  
     Coxsackie group A virus (try and say it!)  sounds absolutely dreadful!  My pediatrician told me it's very common and it's going around ( Of course, I asked what causes it and did we do something wrong... that's why she gave me previous answer and explained it was nothing we did and it would clear up in a week... ( A WEEK of this?  I think not, because I'm calling first thing in the morning for Bella, because I haven't even gotten to the worst part!)... and yes, I did a side thought within a side thought!)  I called Mitch to inform him of the diagnosis... he was glad I listened to my instinct and took her to the doctor.  He was not happy his little girl was in so much pain (he stayed home to study for his LAST EXAM WHOOP! WHOOP! so I was MD duty by myself today)  


So we get home, try the cold fluids, ice cream, yogurt, and blue berries... She ate the yogurt, but turned her blue berries away.  THIS CHILD LIVES for Blueberries, I almost cried right then.  


We tried our night time routine, she had to be tired, but she was in so much pain, she couldn't get comfortable and started talking out of her head... which I know sounds crazy, she's 11 months old... it's not like she is forming actual sentences to compare it to but it wasn't right.  I called the nurse and she gave me the MD spill... fluids, tylenol/motrin, cold stuff... and call in the am :(... which I AM!  So we gave in and let her play or burn off some energy... we did kind of load her up on sugar.


This is what happened.

Don't judge me... you know it's funny!

Shortly after (11:00PM)  we finally got her to bed,  but she's been up every hour since and it breaks my heart because the last time she woke up, she was crying out "Mommy... Oww"  Talk about knife through your heart.  Knowing they are hurting and there isn't a thing you can do about it!  She can't stand the sucking motion so a bottle is out and I tried nursing her... even that hurt her and then I really did want to cry because "Mommy Milk" is like magic and fixes everything.  True statement.  After holding and coo-ing her, I placed her back in her crib and got on here to blog.  Had to do my research, So I googled "Herpangina"  and guess what the cause is?  This is why I'm going back to my psycho OCD anti-bacterial ways because I've been so laisezz-faire ("My child eats dirt... a little germs never hurt anyone")  that I've allowed her to contract this horrible bug!  And I quote:

Prevention

Coxsackie virus is transmitted by contamination with feces, which means you can catch the virus by touching your mouth or eating without thoroughly washing your hands. Good handwashing practices can help prevent transmitting most viruses.

Being aware of other cases of herpangina in your neighborhood or school may allow earlier diagnosis.

Bella somehow got in contact with feces (as laid back as I am, I have never fed my child feces or knowingly let her digest any poop)  and now poor little darling is suffering and I feel like I am to blame :(  Even with my pediatrician's assurance that it was going around and it's really common, I fear she may secretly be thinking "This woman lets her child eat her own poop or play in doggie poo"  OKAY, maybe she wasn't thinking that, but maybe she was.

So here I am, crying out to the blog world, reprimand me! because I'm a bad mom.  I let my child unknowingly ingest some form of feces and now she has painful little ulcers in the back of her throat so she cries and doesn't know why it hurts so bad.  Alright, so I' know I'm not the world's worst mom, but I really do feel like it!  I would give ANYTHING, to trade places with her.  I don't know how Heavenly Father endured Christ suffer in the Garden of Gethsemane but it just deepens my appreciation for Their love for us and His Atonement.  

I'll be up all night with her and I don't mind the lack of sleep, just wish I could take her pain away.  I'll cuddle her extra big and rock her as long as she wants.  Needless to say, we will be more cautious about germs (not that we're dirty.... just laid back... OH YEAH, I'm going to be "that" Mom now with Purel and bleach wipes to sanitize everything!) Lesson learned.