Mother's Day

I was going to write this really witty post about all the trials of motherhood and how in the midst of utter chaos I had this wonderful epiphany of the power of being a mom and in that moment, I felt I had arrived.  Not that I was perfect, I am an extremely flawed individual, but it was such a comfort to me to know, that I have been blessed with this ability to calm the storms when I call on my Heavenly Father for aid. And then you would get the warm fuzzies all over, maybe even shed a tear.  Ok, so that wouldn't have happened but what I DID write is the gist of it, I doubt the details would interest you and honestly, I want to keep that moment for myself, to keep it special.  So I'm not going to write about that. I'm also going to try to keep this short.

As I am trying to put Ronan back to sleep, I reflected on this past weekend.  Mitch has FINALLY graduated!  It doesn't change a whole lot, per se, but we are SO PROUD, nonetheless.  This weekend has not gone as planned, at all. And I could write an extremely long blog post about how wrong and how much has gone wrong.  But I'm not.  I could say whoa-est me, I'm exhausted and I just want to go to sleep and so on but all I could think about was how grateful I am.  I dropped to my knees and just offered a prayer of gratitude.  I am grateful.  I am grateful to have a husband who loves me so much.  I am grateful he has worked SO hard to graduate with such high Honors and has sought guidance from Heavenly Father and on occasion, even his wife! I am so grateful for my children.  It's so easy to complain about the hard stuff but I am just grateful to have these precious souls in my care.  I am so grateful to be their mother. I am so grateful for so many blessings. I realize and appreciate, not all mothers give birth to their children, not all mothers live with or raise their children, the definition of a mother,to me, is one who loves others unconditionally, acts selflessly, and seeks to make another's life better, a comforter.  We should celebrate this cause.  Honor this cause.  Share this cause.  Everyday.  Not just once a year.

Being a mother is hard.  Anyone who says or acts differently is a LIAR.  Yeah, I said that out loud.  It's the hardest thing I've ever done.  Sometimes I don't even know I how I do it, but then I remember, I'm not.  I could not be the person I am, I could not survive, without the gospel in my life.  This may seem melodramatic, but it is a fact I believe whole heartedly.  Any success I have as a mother, a wife, a woman, or just a decent human being, I owe to my Heavenly Father and to my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am nothing without Them. I feel like I fail everyday as a mother in one way or the other, and yet, Bella will tell me through tear stained eyes after a temper tantrum (which are happening very often now) "I just love you, Mommy" or Ronan will cry uncontrollably while I'm away but as soon as I walk in the room, he calms.  It makes me feel so amazing.  (I realize both examples involve my children crying.  I don't love that they cry or the reasons they cry, just that I am able to comfort them)

I love my life.  I love how crazy it is and how exhausted I am all the time.  I love being able to be in the chaos but have the ability to stay still and let Heavenly Father inspire me to act to help strengthen my family. I love being a family.  In the views of the world, we have very little and now, we have a college degree.  But we still have a humble life, and I'm grateful.  I'm just grateful for all that we have and being together.  I'm excited about what our future holds and no matter what the outcome, as long as we are together, I am happy.  I don't want to stay in this situation forever, I'm looking forward to our own place and the next step, but I'm also enjoying where we are.  Be happy in the moment you are in, where ever that may be.

Whatever your circumstance, a mother gave birth to you.  It is an incredible miracle that you are here. There is no coincidence you were placed into the family your were given, whether biological or otherwise.  Make sure to take time today to thank the women in your life that made you the person you are today!  I don't care how cute you think you were or what a perfect child you were, thank them for the sacrifice because I'm sure there was a great deal involved and I also know that person would have done it a million times over to have you in their life.  I know that's how I feel.  Tomorrow (today) won't be filled with lavish gifts and that's more than fine with me. I will be happy if I can take a nap after church but maybe not since Mitch is under the weather.  But I will have my family and that's all I need for Mother's Day.  A mother's job is never done and I'm so grateful to have the privilege.  

Happy Mother's day to all the amazing women who helped make me the woman I am today!  I have taken the best parts of you and tried to emulate them as a mother myself.  So if you see good in me, it's because there is so much good in you!  Love you much :)

This is my happy place.