No, my child, you are never a mistake. Heavenly Father has ever so graciously blessed you into our lives. He sees something within me that I cannot. But I have faith in Him knowing you were meant for our family. We have endured much in our short time as a family and no matter how bleak the times were, He always brought us through.
And this is not a bleak time. It is a happy time. A joyous time. A wonderful blessing, our surprise blessing.
When they referred to you as a mistake, my blood boiled. I was in shock from the source and wanted to say many things that were not nice. I know their intention was not to harm as once you arrive they will instantly fall in love with you. And I hope they'll see the error in their words, but even if they don't, little one. You are not a mistake. God does not make mistakes, that's not part of His plan. He makes miracles and that is what you are. Your father and I are in love, we are sealed in the temple and created you with love, as it should be. We may not have all our ducks in a row in the status of the world, but where we lack, Heavenly Father will make up the difference.
He has already been gracious with my morning sickness which I count as a huge blessing. Your brother made me so sick. If you can hear yet... He's the one pounding on my belly to let you know he's here and waiting. Your sister has given him quite the run for his money so I'm sure he will be more than happy to return the favor to you. Your sister is so excited for you. She wants me to have five babies but I'd be more than happy to just have just you. One at a time I say. Bella and I are hoping you're a girl. Daddy says a boy but I think he's just saying that to pull my strings. We will love you no matter what.
I'm so sleepy most of the time but naps have worked out with your brother and your sister doesn't mind the extra movie time. I'll have you know I'm taking my prenatals everyday which is more than your siblings got because I was so sick. I hope you're enjoying your nutrients.
I really hope you're in here. I go this Friday for the ultrasound to see you. You weren't visible last time which has given me a bit of concern and reluctance to tell everyone but as of yesterday, my dollar store pregnancy test said you're real. If you're struggling, fight if you can. I didn't know how badly I would want you until the chance you might not be there came on the table. Then they called you a mistake and I wanted you even more so I could show them how wonderful you are, how amazing you will be. Your siblings are incredible spirits and I know you'll be nothing less. Ill tell you like I told them, your (extended) family is crazy. Very far from perfect and sometimes even functional but they love each other and they will love you. Sometimes adults forget to believe in miracles and faith and the way God works. They only see the hardship or the trials and while I know those things will come. The odds are stacked against us, I know that faith precedes the miracle. I know that whatever lies ahead, we will overcome it.
I love you so much. You are wanted and loved by me, your father, Bella and Ronan, your Heavenly Father and your Savior and I am sure everyone that will meet you. I love surprises and I'm so excited about you!
I think this is just the comment I needed to light the fire within me. I will fight for you. I will fight for our family and I will always protect you. I read this wonderful quote that said "look upward not outward for your approval." And I will start to live by that. I know He approves because He sent you to us. That's all that matters.
I love you, little bit. See you on Friday.
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