Ga-Ga

     It was totally one of those days.... I woke up late which made for a hectic morning BUT I still managed to make it to work on time.  Just seriously had to skimp on my Mommy/Bella time this morning...which makes me feel like a bad parent, because I shouldn't have to cut my time with my child when she so desperately craves it!  I hate having responsibilities sometimes :(


     Work was crazy!  I feel stretched so thin by sooo many people that need me and the daily tasks.  Being a people pleaser doesn't help my cause either.  I like to think I deal great with stress, but this is not the case with work. I try to multitask but its even too much for me. It was so bad  I cried all the way to my grandma's on my lunch break but seeing Bella brightened up my day tremendously!  I love that little girl so stinking much! She is my whole world! Its so hard to leave her to go to work, but I look forward to Fridays for several reasons... one of which being my Grandma keeps her and my Aunt Sissy comes over for their "Bella time"  so I know she gets spoiled with lots of attention and loves and cuddles!  I can handle anything with Bella and she is not stressful at all. I mean I could deal with getting her dressed, fed, and happy with 5 minutes before we leave and then she spits up, I knock over my milk and she poops her diaper all at the same time.  Handled. I got that and with a smile on my face with a .05% increase of stress.
     At work, someone needs to schedule, someone needs to be checked-in, checked out, and then a therapist need to change their schedule all at the same time, and I look at the pen in my cup holder and think, how bad would it hurt if I stabbed myself in the eye so I can go home?  Not really considering partial self mutilation, but just to illustrate the stress level.
I just don't love my job anymore and I feel it weighing on me.  I normally leave my love around 8:30 on weekdays and it's starting to take it's toll.  I used to love my job, I felt fulfilled serving others and making people happy... going that extra step.  Now my love comes from changing dirty diapers from a 14 lb Bella monster, drools, smiles and all :)  I never knew I was incomplete until I had her and our family felt completed (for now)...
     Here's another things that kind of roasts my goose... people ask how I am doing going back to work and leaving my child?... "Great, til you brought it back up again :("  I actually like my child and want to be with her.  I know it may seem like an odd concept to some, but my kid rocks!  The worst comment, is well I bet you're enjoying this break from being a Mommy... it's good for you.  WRONG.  I don't need a break from my child and its not good for me.  
     Once I left work at 5:32... I hopped in my car feeling the stress of the day being left behind and I indulged in a new ritual I have... I turned my CD Player to number 8 where I blare "Alejandro" by Lady GaGa and let my mind go completely numb.... I don't know what it is about this song, I'm not into Latin boys, Mitch looks more Australian than Latin, but Alejandro, Fernando, and Roberto have the ability to make me forget and for those 3 or 4 minutes, my mind goes blank and I just belt it out.  Crazy, right?  It's my thing.  Bella does like a little GaGa herself, but I censor which songs and the volume which they are played.  She's mostly rocking the primary songs and lullabies and she's is liking that.  She does throw in a little flying rasberry here and there too!  


All in all its been a good day and Mitch just got home from lab!  I haven't seen him since 6am this morning and I was half asleep then!  Good night bloggers!