My dad is going through a divorce so I've been helping out since October, 1-3 days a week taking care of my little brother and sister, all the way in Rock Hill. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned that on here before, but there it is. I had a brief break while I was on bed rest and it's worked out, that this is the first time I've come up here by myself. This is a big deal, because I'm still at a point where Mitch normally puts Bella to bed and hooks me up with breakfast when I wake up so I can feed Bella in our bed, and let Bella watch WonderPets or Barney so I can sleep in longer....I take the Phenagren at night to help with the nausea but it still makes me UBER groggy. Well now I'm on my own, with three kids. It's a little scary for me, to go from help with one to help with none. I guess you'll find out if I survive tomorrow. If I don't, I love you all. This isn't the crazy part. Just the explaining some of my anxiety that led to the cray cray part.
So anyways, I've got that on my mind. I'm getting ready for the big departure and Bella has a poopy diaper... no big deal, we've been waiting two days on one so it was expected and it normally happens right before you leave, right? She's also been complaining today of itching or burning "down there" and so when she came back in her room, 10 minutes later, grabbing her area and crying it broke my heart, so I immeadiately take her diaper off and she has diahrrhea everywhere :( So, 1.) this makes me not happy because I don't want her to hurt 2.) I'm thinking GREAT! We've got an hour and half drive of interstate ahead of us and she has diahrrhea, how many stops will this take? 3.) PLEASE DON'T be a stomach virus.
On this note, Daddy (Mitch) kisses us goodbye and we hop in my sisters 1990 Something Corolla. Why aren't we driving my car? My axels are tilted and it needs to be fixed, but said funds aren't available so.... we just don't drive long distances at the moment. So my sister has a spare car, but the interior door handle is missing, the driver's side window does not roll up or down, and the interior door handle is on the verge of breaking. Good news, the radio works. Bad news, the window on the driver's side window is slightly cracked which whistles and whines SO loudly on the interstate, I was forced to push my hand/shoulder against the window... the whole way! I tried to stay positive, I wanted to stay positive, used all of my yoga knowledge to delve deep, DEEP into my self control and peace and find the happy thoughts in this experience. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for a car to drive to help family out. But it all went south when I called my Dad to let him know that we are about 15 mintues out. I normally just come up for the day, but I came up a day early to help my Dad out so he could go into the store for inventory. He said if I came up early we could all go out to eat before so I was like Heck Yeah! Well I called, and he informed he'd just eaten with his soon to be ex and the kids. I typically do not dislike people. I dislike my dad's estranged wife, and have had almost 15 years to develop that opinion. There, I said it. Not that she's a bad person, I don't believe in bad people, per se. However I feel she has made choices i do not agree with that have effected my family, and I do not like that, at all. So the fact that he had already eaten should not have been a big deal. People gotta eat, right? Right.
But at this point in my adventure, leaving early with a possibly sick baby, driving a long distance in a car of questionable function with my arm propped against the window for over an hour (trying to stop the high pitched and annoying whistle) and steer with one hand while people completely messed up my flow of cruise control AND keep a toddler happy while looking forward to some quality time with my dad and some yummy food only to find out he already ate with someone I don't like (which is so trivial and childish) I was pretty upset. He even offered for us to grab something and he'd pick up the tab. Nice, huh? But it wasn't the same.
And normally
But when I walk into my dad's house and he hugs me and asks how I am doing. I'm really trying not to cry. I really don't want to make my dad feel bad over something so trivial as you went out to eat with someone I don't care for when I really wanted to go out to eat with you. But I'm his daughter and he know's when something is wrong. And he kept asking as I'm telling him through tears, "I'm fine. It's just pregnancy hormones." So he finally says, "Come sit down and talk to me" which I have to humor... I really don't want to... I really don't want to say the crazy words, but I do. and I feel all of five years old when I do!
I sob, "It's really silly, but I was really loo-looking forward to going out to eat with you. And you went with her (and the kids) and I really don't like her." It's official, I'm crazy. This is ridiculous. This is nothing to cry over and it shouldn't be a big deal. But it was. I feel loco for even typing the words, but I'm nothing, if not honest (and possible mentally unstable). So my dad, being the amazing person he is, suggests I go grab something while he watches Bella. And I can take his truck because it's windows are fully functioning. Score. He's spent his life around crazy women with hormones out the yazoo and he's always the peacemaker. I'm sure he was thinking,Tame the crazy beast fast! Call for back up, we've got a four-seven-niner...
There was this chinese buffet that I've been dying to try. I'm an emotional eater and food makes me feel better. So when I feel really rotten I like to eat something I really like. So my dad was all for the idea, the plan was just to get it to go. That was until I was scoping out the buffet and saw....
CRAB LEGS.
That's when I called my Dad and asked if he minded if I just ate there...because they had crab legs and I really like crab legs and it just made me feel better, but I didn't want to take advantage of my Dad. I'm sure I freaked him out so bad earlier, he would have given me the Taj Mahal if I'd ask pitifully enough. That's just the kind of stand up (smart) guy, he is. I normally don't like eating alone, but considering the task ahead of me and the state of my current well being. I welcomed the idea of gorging myself on my favorite food while I watched one of my tv shows that I missed last night on my telephone, AND I even ordered myself a Mountain Dew. The way things worked out, I almost wonder if Heavenly Father didn't have a hand in it too... agreeing with my dad, maybe she is crazy... either way, she's pregnant, let's cut her a break in the universe. Considering the happiness it brought me, I'd say Heavenly Father did have a big part of it. I made sure to send up a prayer of gratitude for my food and then enjoyed two plates of crab legs, a plate of hibachi with yummy veggies that I picked out and shrimp, a plate of all my favorite chinese foods, and a plate of fruit to cleanse my palate. I think I also got checked out by a table of men... or they could have just been staring at me, because the horns were still sprouted and the "crazy sign" was flashing on my forehead. I'll go with the first one, for my sake and my new hair cut. The waiting staff was very kind to me and even offered me a to go cup for my drink! Looking back on this experience, I wonder if my dad didn't call in advance to let them know i was on my way... because everyone was really nice. All in all, I had quite the blissful dinner and felt MUCH better afterwards.
So here I am, three kids bathed and in the bed later, writing and documenting this crazy pregnancy moment. Documenting that I at least conquered this feat and feel more confident about tomorrow. I am eating my Grandma Sandra's famous poundcake, which just makes it so much better. At least I'm the crazy preggo lady that cries, and not the one that snaps and threatens people with knives (I've heard stories). Mitch was also uber understanding and kept texting or calling to make sure I was okay, even though he has his exam tomorrow for one of his hardest ( and most boring classes). Such a sweet husband.
Baby bump/ preggo updates: I started feeling little movements last week and it's been such a blessing. I've been so sick I'm shocked everytime the doctor finds the heartbeat. It's a relief but surreal. Bella's pregnancy wasn't "real" to me until they wheeled in the tray of medical equipment right before I started to push... Then I realized it was really happening. I'm grateful it's real to me now that I feel movement and not six months later! I've now felt the kicks and flips enough to know its baby and not gas. You're body does weird things while pregnant. I'm also giving more of my brain cells to my baby. I taught my last lesson as a YW advisor on Sunday and I was struggling forming coherent thoughts and pretty sure I slipped some not completely accurate things into the lesson. That's what happens when a pregnant lady ad libs! On the same note, I balled my eyes out telling my girls goodbye. I'll still see them but I won't get to spend as much time with them or teach and laugh with them. I've never cried before being released from a calling except for this one. And I don't think it was just the crazy hormones. They are such an amazing bunch of young women and I've learned so much from them! And the ladies I worked with were awesome and everyone was so close. I still get to teach my beehives with young men, which is a bonus. I hope I can fulfill this new calling and I know the new YW presidency is going to rock! Everyone is where they are supposed to be, even if it's bittersweet. Side tangent, I know but it's related to pregnancy crying. I did attempt yoga and just because my body CAN do the poses does not mean it SHOULD do those poses. I might have to break down and buy a prenatal yoga DVD :(. I'm keeping my food down and do well if I take my meds at night. I MUST sleep with my pregnancy pillow or I cannot sleep (hence why I am blogging instead of sleeping... My pillow is safely with my husband, 100 miles away!) I really enjoy sleep and take naps everyday with Bella. I chopped my hair off and I love it! Officially got a mom hairdo :). Having those crazy pregnancy dreams still, thankfully I got over the "how am I going to tell Mitch the baby isn't his?" dream! Last pregnancy, I had a dream I had a black baby, which there is nothing wrong having a black baby but since my husband and I are both very white, it would be hard to explain! This time it was with a guy I dated freshman year ( have not seen thus guy in 10 years So totally random) and I didn't know if it was Mitch's or his and then I introduced them and kept having dreams within dreams to see if I really did have a baby with another man and I was SO relieved when I finally woke up and remembered that we did in fact plan this pregnancy and Mitch is the father! I even said out loud " Whew! This is good. Just a dream, thank goodness". Normally I keep my inner dialogue in my head but it needed to be said out loud. It was that serious! My pant size has also increased and I'm back to before baby bras! I think I've gain 7lbs so that's good considering I didn't eat anything but bread for three months!
Bella is pretty amazing and I'm feeling more confident about this mom thing everyday. She's my Best little girl friend and has been so sweet lately, for the most part :). My best friend Rhonda just had a beautiful little girl and Bella is so anxious to help and likes to hold her every time she can! She's also developed a crush on Rhonda's husband, I think. Im so excited for our new little one to get here, I just know they'll be best buds and she will be my big helper. We are contemplating potty training soon so keep you posted on that one! We have daily dance parties and I just think she is the bees knees! I'm so blessed and can't believe I've got another one on the way to love just as much. Our life isn't perfect, I'm just wise enough not to blog about our bad days so I can leave them in the past and focus on happy/ funny thoughts. She's always done the most precious thing that I always forget to blog about, but when she sleeps she has to be touching our arm, especially if we are wearing sleeves then she has to put her hand under our sleeve. I guess the skin to skin contact soothes her. I have to admit one of the best feelings in the world, is her waking up in the middle of the night or from nap and crying and then having the ability to hold her and calm her fears and make her feel safe is pretty awesome! I'm amazed it works but I guess that's what moms do. Makes me feel like being a mom is an important job, a power for good. No matter what I fail at or feel like I fall short in, I'm still super woman to her. She helps me remember Heavenly Father's perspective of me and I'm grateful of that reminder. I'm grateful to be a mother and I am so so so grateful to be able to be at home with her and chase all the bad dreams away and help her conquer her monsters. I hope I can always be that person for her.
If you kept reading this all the way through... Kudos to you. The last three pages or so were for my personal journaling needs, but I don't mind sharing :)
Til next time...
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| Thought I would kill 2 birds with 1 stone... after dinner pic AND preggo pic update. LOVE LOVE LOVE picmonkey.com |
So here I am, three kids bathed and in the bed later, writing and documenting this crazy pregnancy moment. Documenting that I at least conquered this feat and feel more confident about tomorrow. I am eating my Grandma Sandra's famous poundcake, which just makes it so much better. At least I'm the crazy preggo lady that cries, and not the one that snaps and threatens people with knives (I've heard stories). Mitch was also uber understanding and kept texting or calling to make sure I was okay, even though he has his exam tomorrow for one of his hardest ( and most boring classes). Such a sweet husband.
Baby bump/ preggo updates: I started feeling little movements last week and it's been such a blessing. I've been so sick I'm shocked everytime the doctor finds the heartbeat. It's a relief but surreal. Bella's pregnancy wasn't "real" to me until they wheeled in the tray of medical equipment right before I started to push... Then I realized it was really happening. I'm grateful it's real to me now that I feel movement and not six months later! I've now felt the kicks and flips enough to know its baby and not gas. You're body does weird things while pregnant. I'm also giving more of my brain cells to my baby. I taught my last lesson as a YW advisor on Sunday and I was struggling forming coherent thoughts and pretty sure I slipped some not completely accurate things into the lesson. That's what happens when a pregnant lady ad libs! On the same note, I balled my eyes out telling my girls goodbye. I'll still see them but I won't get to spend as much time with them or teach and laugh with them. I've never cried before being released from a calling except for this one. And I don't think it was just the crazy hormones. They are such an amazing bunch of young women and I've learned so much from them! And the ladies I worked with were awesome and everyone was so close. I still get to teach my beehives with young men, which is a bonus. I hope I can fulfill this new calling and I know the new YW presidency is going to rock! Everyone is where they are supposed to be, even if it's bittersweet. Side tangent, I know but it's related to pregnancy crying. I did attempt yoga and just because my body CAN do the poses does not mean it SHOULD do those poses. I might have to break down and buy a prenatal yoga DVD :(. I'm keeping my food down and do well if I take my meds at night. I MUST sleep with my pregnancy pillow or I cannot sleep (hence why I am blogging instead of sleeping... My pillow is safely with my husband, 100 miles away!) I really enjoy sleep and take naps everyday with Bella. I chopped my hair off and I love it! Officially got a mom hairdo :). Having those crazy pregnancy dreams still, thankfully I got over the "how am I going to tell Mitch the baby isn't his?" dream! Last pregnancy, I had a dream I had a black baby, which there is nothing wrong having a black baby but since my husband and I are both very white, it would be hard to explain! This time it was with a guy I dated freshman year ( have not seen thus guy in 10 years So totally random) and I didn't know if it was Mitch's or his and then I introduced them and kept having dreams within dreams to see if I really did have a baby with another man and I was SO relieved when I finally woke up and remembered that we did in fact plan this pregnancy and Mitch is the father! I even said out loud " Whew! This is good. Just a dream, thank goodness". Normally I keep my inner dialogue in my head but it needed to be said out loud. It was that serious! My pant size has also increased and I'm back to before baby bras! I think I've gain 7lbs so that's good considering I didn't eat anything but bread for three months!
Bella is pretty amazing and I'm feeling more confident about this mom thing everyday. She's my Best little girl friend and has been so sweet lately, for the most part :). My best friend Rhonda just had a beautiful little girl and Bella is so anxious to help and likes to hold her every time she can! She's also developed a crush on Rhonda's husband, I think. Im so excited for our new little one to get here, I just know they'll be best buds and she will be my big helper. We are contemplating potty training soon so keep you posted on that one! We have daily dance parties and I just think she is the bees knees! I'm so blessed and can't believe I've got another one on the way to love just as much. Our life isn't perfect, I'm just wise enough not to blog about our bad days so I can leave them in the past and focus on happy/ funny thoughts. She's always done the most precious thing that I always forget to blog about, but when she sleeps she has to be touching our arm, especially if we are wearing sleeves then she has to put her hand under our sleeve. I guess the skin to skin contact soothes her. I have to admit one of the best feelings in the world, is her waking up in the middle of the night or from nap and crying and then having the ability to hold her and calm her fears and make her feel safe is pretty awesome! I'm amazed it works but I guess that's what moms do. Makes me feel like being a mom is an important job, a power for good. No matter what I fail at or feel like I fall short in, I'm still super woman to her. She helps me remember Heavenly Father's perspective of me and I'm grateful of that reminder. I'm grateful to be a mother and I am so so so grateful to be able to be at home with her and chase all the bad dreams away and help her conquer her monsters. I hope I can always be that person for her.
If you kept reading this all the way through... Kudos to you. The last three pages or so were for my personal journaling needs, but I don't mind sharing :)
Til next time...
Love you. You're funny. I'll miss being in YW with you too, but I'm glad we'll still be seeing each other. BTW, black babies are the best!
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