Our needs will be met...

It's been kind of rough lately. We are trying to acclimate Bella to the changes a new baby brings while also trying to emphasize how important she is to our family. Ronan has had a really bad diaper rash that has increased his need to nurse which has increased the number of diaper changes and decreased the amount of sleep I get. Mitch has one test right after the other and he has to do well on his tests because this is the semester that determines if we can go to MUSC for grad school. Which means I am primarily a single parent at the moment. I try very hard to be strong for my family and I definitely have my moments where I do break down and cry. But I try never to feel sorry for myself or my situation I am grateful for a wonderful family filled with love and a husband who works as hard as he does and does his best to help everyone. This has given me the opportunity to heavily rely upon my Father in Heaven because I could not do this alone. He has granted me patience and love and energy when I felt I had nothing left. When I felt like I was on the brink of what I could handle He sent me peace. It has been a wonderful experience to strengthen my testimony.

Like I said, Bella is really having a hard time which is odd because we thought we had prepared her and she seemed so excited about her little brother. We have all been through the ringer and its definitely been a time for learning and growth in all of our relationships. Due to her hardship and Mitch's hectic schedule we made the decision for Mitch to sleep with Bella in her room and I'll stay with Ronan in ours. While this has been mostly beneficial to both parties, I have really missed my husband. While he might not be away in another country, and he is home, it does not mean he is available. A lot of time is spent taking care of the needs if our children albeit separately but united in purpose. I did not imagine it would be so hard. Often times the only time we did have together was that 15 minutes before we went to sleep and talked about our day. I realize this is just a right now thing but it is hard. It's a small sacrifice for the well being of our children and to help us progress forward in our goals.

Since I'm still recovering from the pregnancy, my wardrobe consists of tshirts that may or may not have spit up and breast milk on them at any given moment, stretchy pants, my hair is in a diss arrayed ponytail and I'm thoroughly convinced my fingers will permanently smell like A&D ointment. I wear no make up because of the hormonal night sweats and its still taking me 20 minutes to go to the bathroom which is nearly impossible with two kids. I spend a majority of my day feeding Ronan and trying to appease/ entertain Bella. Needless to say I'm a little sensitive about my body and appearance. On top of that I have very limited contact with my husband. Add hormones on a roller coaster ride to the mix and it is not unheard of that I have had a good cry most days since Ronan's birth.

This is where I know my Heavenly Father knows my needs. Mitch has had meetings all day at church when he normally only has one. I was up a good bit of the night with Ronan so I had to make due with what little sleep I got. Mitch did offer to come home after his second meeting, and even though Bella was being defiant and not listening to me and Ronan was crying from tummy pains, I told him to stay and fulfill his calling, although I wanted more than anything to say, YES! Please come home, if only to be near him. Mitch's dad didn't have any assignments or meetings today so he was able to attend our home ward and offered to take Bella with him to church so Mitch didn't have to pick up Bella. Around one, I was putting the roast in the crock pot and looked out the window to see Mitch pull up in our car. I thought to myself, "Oh no! He didn't get my text about Bella" and I ran to meet him at the door so he wouldn't be late for church. I blurted out " you didn't get my text?" To which he informed me, he had come home to give me a kiss and encircled me in his arms in a hug that I so desperately needed. Tears filled my eyes and I knew Heavenly Father heard the silent prayer in my heart of a wife needing her husband and prompted my husband to come home. I have tried very hard to be strong for him and not add any stress to his life but i have missed him so dearly.This small gesture meant so much to me and all the insecurities of my appearance and the changes in my body disappeared as he complimented me and just held me. I am still surprised every time I realize, wow, my husband really does love me for me. And I am still in awe every time I see my Father in Heaven answer a prayer I thought no one could hear or seemed so trivial.

It is a testimony to me that my Father in Heaven IS mindful of his children and their needs. He hears their sorrow and witnesses their tears shed and unshed. If He can send my husband home just because I needed a hug then I know He will provide a way for the big trials that we are facing at this time. I know that as we humble ourselves and rely on Him, there is no limit to the blessings we can receive and that our needs will be met.

I am indeed grateful for His tender mercies in my life.