Bella is fairly advanced in terms of understanding. She knows what no means and "ah ah ah" but she chooses when to obey and when to push...
Before we even had kids, before we EVEN got married.. I told Mitch, No spanking. For me, its just not right for me. I know growing up I would have rather been spanked than disappoint my parents and felt that explaining and understanding actions/ consequences would be better. Not that if you choose to spank, your bad or its wrong. Just for us, right now, its not something we are going to approach.
(I've been wrong before about stuff I was never going to do as a parent.)
SO with that said, Bella has this wonderfully amazing habit that is extremely painful (not to mention permanently damaging to me... and for me! She LOVES to pull my hair to wake me up or get my attention or when she gets frustrated or mad. I have uber-short-uneven-impromptu-choppy on the sides with gaps in the middle-bangs from where she didn't rip the hair out at the root. My mother in law suggested it was baby hair that was starting to grow out. I assure you, it is not.
She knew right from wrong and at first I approached the situation, with "Ow. That hurst mommy, please don't pull my hair." or "No mam, we don't do that." Firm but loving. I'd grab her wrist and she would release the rest of my hair... since I feel like I am going into premature balding at spots, I decided to try a new route of thinking.
I've heard moms talk about their kids biting and so they explain to them biting hurts and bite their child after they bite them. It might seem extreme, but it made sense to me. So I waited till she pulled my hair and then I pulled her hair back (gentle tug), and said "See, that hurts. Please don't pull Mommy's hair" The first time, she was in utter disbelief. It was as if she had seen the fireworks at Disney for the first time, she was awestruck. Surely, that couldn't have happened. So she tried again, but with more vengeance and accuracy with a very determined, chunky face. The finer hairs right by your temples. OUCH!, so again I tug a little on her hair, and Say, "See, Ow, that hurts when you pull someone's hair. Please don't do it." She was more or less indifferent at this point, I'm sure she was still in shock.
Before you think about calling CPS, I promise, it was just a slight tug and no actual Bella hair was lost or damaged during our exchange. Just enough of a tug to be uncomfortable.
It was highly effective and I am slowly starting to regrow hair now. But now I have an even bigger problem. Now when Bella hears the word "No, or No, Bella please don't do that." She will stop what she is doing and pull her own hair in the same spot! She doesn't pull any of hair out, but I feel absolutely horrible and try to stop the action. She pulled her hair so hard the other day, she made herself cry. I just comforted her and am very conscious that I don't tell her she is being bad or that she is bad. Because she's not. I just don't want her to develop a complex that when she hears the word "no" she'll start pulling her hair! Junior High is already hard enough for kids, I don't need her doing that too!
So.. Am I the worst mom ever? Have other moms experienced similar thing? Is it just a phase or have I already accomplished to scar my kid for life before her first year of age?
A look into the lives of some people really stella' That's Right! You guessed it... Ashley, Mitch, Ronan & Bella!
You are not the worst mom ever. Jalen hits himself on the head when he's in trouble and I have never hit him on the head, so sometimes they just pick something up. One thing I do - and probably shouldn't - is flick my kids on the cheek. I do this when they bite. I've used it a couple of other times for extreme things. I'm never sure if it's the right thing to do, but I think sometimes they need more than just words. It's so hard to know what's right! Sometimes I think my kids are spoiled and I should be more strict, but I don't want to crush their little spirits.
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