Surprise!

I feel so overwhelmed with joy and humbled in this moment for the news we received tonight.

"For whom the Lord, calls, He qualifies."

 I often feel so inadequate, so inferior, so unworthy of the choice spirits I have been blessed with in our home.  There are many days I am overwhelmed by day to day tasks and do not know how I will make it through the next hour.  But I do.  I feel like I fall so short everyday of the woman, and wife, and mother I want to be.  I don't know what I'm doing a majority of the time.

However, I am about to figure it out.  We will be expecting our third child sometime in late April or Early May.  Despite my feelings of inadequacy, my Heavenly Father has great faith in me and has entrusted yet another precious soul to our family.  This is our first "unplanned" pregnancy so to speak although I had a good feeling before the fateful event that it was going to happen.  So I don't think I can even call it a surprise as much as an unexpected blessing.  If there is one thing I have learned through all of our trials, the Lord has a plan for a family. Very rarely is it our plan.  In fact, none of "our" plans have come to pass the way we had imagined them and yet I would not trade them for anything.  I will act in faith that this too will be for our good.  I know a majority of our family and friends will judge us. Act in shock or dismay or even condone our actions, even though we were in the bonds of marriage doing married people things.  We used protection, God had other plans.  And I know this is God's plan because after said events and we knew there was a chance, I opted not to take the emergency birth control pill.  Supposedly, it will not prevent an already viable pregnancy but after taking it in the past, it was not a decision I cared to make again.  No matter our efforts, God's will would be done.  Some may say if I tried the pill, it could have been different, but my heart of hearts and my soul whispered that it was not the right choice for me, my family and my possibly unborn child.  Either Mitch or I have always had spiritual "nudges" as to when our children are destined for earth.  I knew with Bella and he knew with Ronan and this time, I know with her.  And as in all other pregnancies, this was our one time baby.

I gave it time, surely telling myself it couldn't be this one time.  But as I drove home from Rock Hill and visiting my dad, I knew I was pregnant.  I was very calm.  Just in a matter of a fact kind of way.  When I got home, I took my test and I thought to myself, "Heavenly Father, I'm placing this in your hands."  And closed my eyes.  When I opened them.  It was clear as day.  pregnant.  Mitch hugged me and I immediately asked for a blessing.  I take great comfort in those words.  The great things is we pretty much have everything we need except diapers.  And even then I'm contemplating doing cloth diapers to save money as it is something that will be continuely more sparse.

I know that this little spirit is supposed to be in our family.  My hunch is she will be our most beautiful second daughter.  Mitch is up in the air.  Only time will tell.  I love them so much already.  I have no idea what I am doing or how it will work out but I know we will be happy.  We will make it and this will bring the ultimate joy for our family.  I will be having her a short period of time before Mitch hopefully starts grad school and then I will be a "single" mother of THREE for the next two years.

Heavenly Father has such a MIGHTY faith in me, that I do not feel worthy of.  The road ahead seems very hard.  I am sure I will falter many times. There will be tears and anxiety and many unpleasant things.  But I know my Heavenly Father will bring me through this.


We are again waiting to tell everyone, including our family.  Mitch just graduating and our life much in limbo, we are not forseeing the news being recieved well and we really want to take this time to enjoy this time in our life and the new little joy this will be.  We know that people will warm up to the idea and be happy at some point but we don't want to deal with the drama at the moment.

I pray for my strength and health.  I have been dealing with so many health issues already and both pregnancies have been absolutely debilitating at times so I just pray I can be strong for all of my children.  Ronan is still nursing so I am going to have to wean him which is going to be really hard.  He is not even one yet.  So I feel a little remissed that I will not get to enjoy him as I did Bella.  Most people start thinking about another one at 18 months, instead, at 18 months, Ronan will learn he must share me with another baby.  I know you will all be reading this way later, but I wanted to right my thoughts down while they were fresh.

I know that whom the Lord calls, He qualifies.  I have been called as a mother of three and I KNOW WITH ALL MY HEART, HE WILL qualify me.