I know that I've been saying I'm pregnant or I feel pregnant since Mitch and I were married, and Mitch never fails to remind me of this everytime I go to him, and swear I really am pregnant, only to start my period the next day. But this time it's different. Not different like it was with Bella. With Bella I knew, I was thinking to myself about there was a sweet spirit just waiting to come down and wondering if we were ready... I was kind of selfish because I didn't know if I was ready to give up all of our freedom ( I will say it has totally been worth everything that I "sacrificed"... I consider them blessings now, not sacrifices and I could not imagine life without Bella) But I knew as soon as Bella was concieved, or had a pretty good idea. Considering after the fact, I told Mitch I was thinking about starting our family before, and then he revealed he has the same thoughts... yep, defnitely pregnant. With Bella I just knew.
With this (possible) pregnancy, it wasn't as crystal clear. I know we talked about having another go at it, after Bella turned two, but after several months of being really bummed out and slightly relieved, but mostly bummed out, that I wasn't pregnant. I was a little confused. We weren't trying to get pregnant, I didn't feel like I was ready to be pregnant, but a part of me really hated not being pregnant. I didn't want to get pregnant just because everyone else was and I tried to analyze what my real intentions were. Of course, I talked to Mitch about it and he always said he didn't feel now was the right time. Well that little booger! He took me out for my birthday and of course, I brought the subject up, and he said sure, let's try! And I had this big thing about getting pregnant in April so we could announce it at Bella's birthday party in June with a big sister shirt, Great idea, huh?
Fast forward three days later, we're outside swinging on the swing, and we're watching Bella play and I'm sad, she is playing by herself. I mean we've already decided we want another child, so why wait? And so we did... try. and try. and try.
I don't know if you know us, but we had Bella after one try. Either I'm fertile Myrtle or Mitch has Spartan Sperm... or both. But typically when we decided to try, it happens. And I probably made a lot of people mad by saying that, because I know it isn't this easy for everyone. I know we are blessed. I'd also like to contribute it to the fact that secretly my husband has been praying that we would get pregnant in January, unbeknownst to me. Heavenly Father has a huge hand in this, because I know when He wants something done, He sends a baby. And when the time is right. Always in His timing.
I struggled with the idea at first because I had JUST gotten my body back and I wasn't sure that I was ready to get pregnant again. Unlike Mitch, I hadn't really recieved a crystal clear anwser like Mitch had. Which was hard for me, because with Bella, I knew. But after much prayer, I never got a "YES or NO" anwser. Obviously it's a righteous desire, Bella's doing pretty good, so why not bring another spirit into this world and raise them too, we'll be blessed for having another baby, it's not like we'd get punished, and obviously I've been bummed when I'm not pregnant, so even if my mind isn't ready for it, my heart and spirit are. So that was my anwser, if I do get pregnant, it wouldn't be a bad thing. Then I got excited, but apprehensive because I didn't think we'd hit gold twice so quickly. It really inspired and touched me, that Mitch took the offense on this one, because without him, I may not have agreed to start trying so soon. It's scary with Mitch in his last year of undergrad before grad school where he will not be able to work for a year and half. But he said, he felt very strongly that we should start building our family and he would make sure everything was okay and it would all work out. And I believe him, I am uplifed by his faith. He made me feel taken care of and I really saw him as the preisthood leader in our family and I can't express the love I have felt for him in this moment.
Sunday I also asked for a blessing, because I do that alot. And I try to use them for their intentions, not as I want an anwser to my prayers kind of thing, which Mitch explains to me all the time. Anyways, in my blessing, it mentioned, motherhood. I took that as a yes and Mitch went along with me, so we are already treating this like I am pregnant. Better safe than sorry, Oh hot baths, how I will miss you!!! But it was a very sweet moment to share and if nothing else, I know what it will be like when we really are pregnant.
So am I or am I not? We'll just have to wait and see. I really hope I am, because if I'm not, I've been talking to no one in my belly, I'm an emotional wreck, my boobs are hurting for no reason, and I've got a ball of trapped gas somewhere in my body that hasn't moved in days! But if I am pregnant, that I couldn't be happier... which will most likely be confirmed with a pregnancy at which point its going to be really hard to contain until we get out pregnancy announcement photos done. I can't wait to meet our new little one, I know it will bring big changes and new adventures, but I am so excited for Bella to be a big sister, and Mitch is already an awesome father and husband. I am truly blessed. Here's to the next nine months or at least until next week when I can take a pregnancy test that will determine if I'm crazy, once and for all.
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| As convincing as this picture looks, I really just had to potty... after that, back to flat tummy. |
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