"Natural" birth vs. Induction

Let me clarify, when I say "natural" birth, I'm not referring to the drug free hypno birthing that some of my friends have rocked at doing. Kudos to you, you're amazing but that's not the right choice for me. When I say "natural" my definition, is getting my baby out of my body without a c-section, going into labor on my own, and using as many as drugs as they will let me and is safe for my baby. Just wanted to clarify my definitions.

With Bella, I was induced and I LOVED it :). Loved everything about it and being able to be in the mindset of "okay, we're going to the hospital to have our baby.". And Bella has turned out wonderfully. I was induced with her at 39 weeks and 4 days so lungs were fully developed and because of her size, my OB even commented maybe taking her earlier wouldn't have been horrible considering the damage she (or moreso her birth) did to my delicate parts.

With Ronan, the pregnancy has been completely different. Yes, I got morning sickness with Bella but not so sick they put me on bed rest sick like with Ronan. I also was not as productive with Bella as with Ronan. I'm so grateful I went through nesting at the end of my second trimester/ beginning of third trimester because if you're just joining my blog, I've been ridiculously sick the past two months and would not have been able to accomplish what I needed prior to his arrival. Don't get me wrong, there is still a lot I need to do before his arrival but I couldn't imagine what it would be like had I not nested earlier. I can truly see Heavenly Father's hand in all of this.

Because of the fact I've been so sick and still am, I have had to put my faith in Heavenly Father and His will for me and my family. I fortunately didn't get to the point of "why me?" but I did question why everything was happening and why I wasn't getting any better. I cried and got discouraged. I was desperate and wanted Ronan out so I could get better. As of last Friday, i was ready to be induced tomorrow. After prayer, I feel like I need to let Heavenly Father decide when Ronan comes, not myself. Which scares the dickens out of me!

I've never felt labor, I hate pain, I'm pretty sure I have legitimately cracked ribs on my left side. I have a husband in college and he works which decreases the likelihood (however minimal) that I can reach him on his cell phone, should I go into labor while he is not with me. I also have a very active toddler whom I want only certain people to care for her since the transition will already be big enough for her that I won't be there so it would make sense to induce. All signs say being induced would be easier, more convenient, maybe even wiser. I don't do well with change or the unknown. I don't do well without a plan. Yes all of my hospital stuff for myself, Mitch and Ronan have been packed for months but that doesn't make it a plan. I am of terrified of a C-section for vanity and logical reasons. I have a very active toddler and husband whose time is mostly spent at work and school so the recovery would be an extreme challenge with the limited supply of family available to help. I'd like to make the transition for Bella as smooth possible. I have a plan for how I want things to go and I know it most likely won't work out that way to a perfection.

So seeing as I'm still recovering from being sick, I think I need to let Ronan grow where he is safe from my germs. I also realize the very real fact I will need to wait maybe even until October to have him (I'm due Sept. 28th) because that's when my MIL will have a week off again after October 1st. She was off this week which is why I wanted to be induced because she could help me then but I now realize its a blessing she is here to just help with Bella so that I can rest up for the adventures ahead of me and hopefully recover before my sweet boy arrives. Even if he were to come next week, when she has to work, my mom can come down and help as much as she is able an then my MiL can take the following week off and I'll have two weeks of help. This post is mostly me just thinking out loud about what could be...

In the end, it boils down to one word, FAITH. I have faith in my Heavenly Father that His plan is better than my plan. I have faith He is watching over my family and making sure we are well before Ronan arrives. I know He will take care of me. I know that no matter when or how Ronan gets here, He will give me the strength that I need to get him here. It's been quite the test of trials these past months and I'm not saying it was or is easy, I'm not even saying they're over yet because I thought I was getting better and got worse so I'm just saying, at the moment I have to realize my life truly is in the Hands of The Master. I couldn't think of a better place to be. He can see the end game and I have to trust and have faith that it is for my good. I will keep y'all posted on what happens from here. Just keep us in your prayers, it's been doing wonders already!